Dear parents and volunteer boards of the lacrosse programs of America, and all other sports for that matter:

Want to kill your coaches morale, take all the joy out of coaching, and train them not to tell you anything about anything?  Just micromanage them.

They will shut down and despair and begin to wonder why they are even doing this in the first place, when they could be home with their families and not out in the pouring rain and bitter wind teaching your child to be a better human.

They will wonder why they get up at 6 am exhausted for work, and why they never get to eat dinner until 9 pm, and how they haven’t had a weekend off since two months ago.

And when you email them and say, “coach, we really need you to have the kids wear this color socks on this day, and this color socks on that day, and the board is very concerned that nobody is following the every-other-day colored sock policy,” don’t say I didn’t warn you.

Here are the two best things boards and parents can do to have happy coaches:

1. Cut out the email as much as you can.

I beg you to reflect not only on WHAT you say to your coaches, but the format in which you say it. Email is never a good idea when you want to raise a concern, because it sends your even the most patient and kind coach into a fury that prevents them from preparing their practice plan for the day or refocusing their energy into your kids.

I remind you, when he’s reading your emails, he just got home from work, he’s hungry and doesn’t have time to eat, and he’s reviewing his practice plan and rushing to get to practice on time to set a good example of commitment and leadership.  ‘Cause it all starts with being early and not just on time.

I hate email. I bitterly despise the demands we place on each other by sending emails at all hours and expecting instant responses.  Email should be for information — what time, where, what do I wear…. and nothing more. If you have a concern, it needs to be spoken.

(My fave read on the topic of email behavior is a book called Send: Why People Email So Badly and What to do About it. I highly recommend it if you care about emailing better.)

2. Always give your coaches the benefit of the doubt.

One thing i’ve never understood is how parents can take the word of an 8th grader as the whole truth before getting the other side of the story from the teacher or coach. Yes, teachers and coaches are human and both make mistakes, but don’t we owe each other at least the consideration of getting both sides of the story?  Email only exacerbates miscommunications and pushes relationships to their limits by removing any element of humanity from our interactions.

Nobody expects everyone to agree all the time, but if we respect each other enough to speak face-to-face and not hide behind email, we’re teaching our kids how to communicate respectfully too.

I can’t play lacrosse but I sure can communicate about it!